Lets see if I can get back into this.

I have not posted in a long time. I basically forgot about this blog while getting swept up in life. So to get back on track, I will tell you what I've been up to. I decided a little while ago that I want to one day own and operate a little new age shop. I've been taking classes this semester for Business Administration with a concentration in retail and marketing. The financial accounting class is killing me though. Spending hours upon hours doing work that you still fail at while the work keeps piling up is not fun. Even though I realize finances are what rules business (along with creativity and marketing and such), the stuff in this accounting class seems waaay more complicated than what I feel would be necessary to run a little shop. Therefore I'm going to try not to let my likely failure of this class derail me from pursuing a career that involves my passion for the metaphysical. It is mandatory to pass Financial Accounting to get the degree, but I suppose the degree is not necessarily needed. I'll have an Associates of General Education. Hopefully that along with reading and gaining experience will take me where I want to be.

As a result of the stress of academia, I am learning something about myself. I can get so caught up in thinking about what I want and how to get it that I perhaps don't spend enough time really trying to improve myself in the here and now. I can get overcome by stress from failing at something that I might not think of my failure as another life lesson on how to deal with such. Sometimes a person simply is not going to be good at something he or she would like to excel at doing. Sometimes a skill can be acquired, but sometimes a person just has to work around the lack of that skill. All of this is okay as long as we can roll with the punches. Now I need to get back to who I am at the root. That person is a wise, spiritual, relaxed person instead of someone weighed down by worries and wound tight with stress.

Love yourself and love your life.

Life is what you make of it. Few people can have every thing they want, and a lot of the time when we do get the things we want we have to wait a long time and work hard to get them. Sometimes people wake up in a bad mood and all they can think about is what they don't have. That is normal. What's unhealthy for your soul is when that is a regular occurrence for you. Be thankful for the good things you do have. Open your eyes wide and see the potential around you. See the sources available for support and the hearts that love you. Think about how awful life would be without the luxuries and necessities that you have, and maybe that will teach you to be appreciative of what is in your life. When we look at the world with appreciative eyes we can turn a perspective of being cursed into a perspective of being blessed. Also, the more appreciative your are of what you have, the more blessings you should gradually start to notice. Negativity breeds negativity. Kindness, gratitude, and other positive things breed more positive things. Forget that the tunnel to where you want to go may be long and dark. Instead pay attention to the light at the end of it.

Also, try to admit when you are wrong. It is more important to admit fault to yourself than it is to other people. However, if you consistently spout out irrational words and compulsive behaviors, people will not take you seriously. I hate seeing young women value themselves with the way guys (or girls if they are lesbians) value them. I've been there and it was an awful phase. I hate seeing girls who are going through that. You have to value yourself no matter what. Respect yourself. Love yourself. BE YOURSELF. Getting rejected by someone sucks, but it's not the end of the world and it does not decrease your worth as a human being. Don't lower your standards for less than you feel you truly need. If you lower your standards just so you can feel secure that you will always have someone, than you will live an unsatisfying life in which you are doing a injustice to every romantic partner you have, as well as yourself. Do not emotionally and/or physically whore yourself in search of some sense of approval and affection. Doing such causes you to be unstable and most good romantic prospects will overlook you for that reason. No matter how much you hate yourself, you deserve to have the love you want and not just the lust or infatuation you can get. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and use what you have learned to become a better, stronger, and happier person. The past is not who you are; it is the device that brought you to where you are. Stop begging for praise and affirmation from those around you, and look for peaceful acceptance within. Compliments and such are nice to have, but remember the best compliment you can get is one that comes from yourself that you truly believe.

It's been a while.

It's been a while since the last time I posted. Life got considerably busier. Life also got more complicated. After dealing with some rather stressful situations lately, I have truly learned how important it is to be able to sit back and enjoy the good things, and how important it is to have faith that difficulties will sort themselves out with time. If you are sleeping on an air mattress in a temporary home, be thankful for that instead of bummed that you are not on a Seally in your own place. If you are having problems with a loved one, be sure to be grateful for the support systems you have. Things can almost always be worse. Realize that and appreciate the blessings you have. It will bring a lot of peace to your life.

The Inner Goddess

I seem to have been neglecting my inner goddess lately. It feels as though she is pent up within me and quite anxious to be free. I'm going to the park today with a friend. Maybe my spirit will feel more satiated out in nature. Perhaps I will ask for a little bit of quiet time to just relax and listen to the birds and feel the warmth on my skin. Have you taken the time to satiate your inner deity lately? Peace comes to us by not depriving ourselves of the things that makes our spirits soar. So, take time to go on a walk, listen to your favorite songs, dance, read, or do whatever it is that brings you peace and joy.

A beautiful message

I was reading a blog today that a woman on sparkpeople.com wrote and I teared up. The message was beautiful. She started by showing a picture of a baby girl and asking what words came to mind. The typical responses were "adorable, cute, precious, lovable". All positive words. These are the words that describe us when we come into life and for our first few years. Then bad things happen throughout our life and attach negative words to our images. Maybe we are brought up in a sexist environment where we are taught women are inferior and any bit of sexuality makes them whores. Maybe we are bombarded with images of thin people and told that we are unattractive if we are not 120 lb blonde bombshell. Maybe we did not always get the best grades in school and were told by people we are stupid. We often go through life forgiving those that hurt us, yet continuously attacking ourselves. You may, for example, forgive a man for cheating on you while at the same time thinking to yourself "It's my fault for not being good enough." She then shows pictures of a plus sized woman, an anorexic woman, and a punk woman. "Adorable, cute, precious, lovable" are not the words that typically first come to mind when these pictures appear. (Although I honestly thought the plus-size lady was beautiful.) She then tells women not to judge the women in those pictures because God sees them as *inserts baby picture here*. It was quite ingenious and touching. To sum it up, love yourselves. Forgive yourselves. Embrace your "flaws" or turn them into something you love. You are beautiful and don't forget it.

High Priestess

For a long time I have felt like my soul was the soul of a Priestess. I have been against patriarchal religions and felt as though nature was my "church". I have had a fascination with gemstones since I was a child, and find intrigue in studying their metaphysical properties. I have the desire to connect to the Light and cleanse away negativity that attaches to me. This part of me has become even more awake in the past couple of years. I have no clear past life memories of being a priestess, just a feeling in the core of me that it was so. Tonight I looked up information on how to recognize if you have lived a past life as a priestess. The first site that really called to me had something of a confirmation to me. It showed a numerological equation in which you add up numbers of your birth date and if you get below a certain number you are inclined to have priestess energy. I added mine up and it equaled 2,000. As I continued to read it said that those individuals whose numbers added up to 2,000 have the highest priestess energy. If you would like to try this equation, here is the information I got it from:

Numerologically, one can be a High Priestess not just through virtue of memories and feelings but through Numerology.

If you add your birthdate vertically- for example:

If you were born November 29, 1951 you would write your birthdate:

11

29

1951

____

1991

The number that your birthdate totals is what is called by Mary Greer in her book Tarot Constellations, your High Priestess Year.

If you add each number together individually,

1 + 9 + 9 + 1 = 20.

And then if the total number is 22 or under, as Numerology and the Tarot are interconnected, and reduce it to its lowest common demoniator, in this case:

20 is reduced to 2

The Number 2 Trump in the Tarot is symbolized by the High Priestess.

Therefore this person is a High Priestess Numerologically and embodies that energy.

The Highest aspect of the High Priestess Numerologically is when your birthdate totals 2,000.

Such as if you were born, Oct 31, 1959

10

31

1959

____

2,000

This means that you embody the full archetypal energy of the High Priestess because there is no reducing the numbers from 20.

Meditation and Mantra

I recently watched an instructional video on how to meditate. It, as it seems most instructionals on meditation do, instructed that the objective was to silence the mind in order to receive universal knowledge. The problem I have with this is "silencing the mind". I have tried this a number of times and become so frustrated that my mind is not silenced, that it ruins tranquility. Tranquility is what I think we should aim for with meditation. I feel the goal should not have to be to silence the mind, but instead to quiet the mind enough that you can focus on opening yourself to receive Divine/Universal light. The video I watched said not to use mantras because they keep you from "silencing" your mind, but a mantra came into my thoughts today while meditating that I was compelled to use. That Mantra is "Light as a feather and full of Light." I was feeling heavy-hearted for no particular reason and when I thought how I wanted my heart to feel I thought "Light as a feather and full of Light." I repeated it over and over again in my mind with my eyes closed and started to enjoy a wonderful color show behind my eyelids. I have heard of this color show being described as us viewing our own energy that resides within our auric field. Granted I saw blasts of a few colors, I noticed that violet was the most prominent color I was witnessing. Therefore I suppose I have a predominantly violet aura. As I continued repeating this mantra in my mind and watching the colors, the sense of heaviness in my heart did lessen. Perhaps it would have totally diminished if my meditation had not been interrupted. If you would like to try meditating with this method, I'd love to hear about your experience with it. I feel as though teaching everyone that they should use the same method of mediation is flawed because different things work for different people. If classic meditation does not work for you, create your own method. You should not feel like you are failing the process if you are on a quest of discovery for what works for you. After all, you know what works best for you. All you have to do is quiet your ego and listen to your spirit.